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A Turn of Heart! Thank You Daddy!
So when asking to write my testimony i didn't really know where to start. I guess I could start with the first time asked God into my heart. I was 4 and sitting in my bath tub. I randomly asked my mom & dad to ask Jesus into my heart and so they did. From there I thought I thought I was a Christian. Well I was the Christian that everyone else was. Some of you are probably wondering what I mean by that but here's what I mean. There are so many "Christians" out there. Many of them go to church and worship but that's not what being a Christian means. It's about going out and showing others Jesus.
But anyways... I was that "Christian" until the day that I hate but am almost glad to say happened. On December 27, 2003 my dad walked out of our house and never returned. My parents got a divorce later that year.. after trying to fix the relationship. I remember crying harder than I ever had before. I tried drinking to get rid of my pain. I drank too much and was sexually abused. I couldn't tell the police because I was afraid I would get in trouble because of the alcohol. That guy never got in trouble and I later actually found out that he was sexually abusing other girls while they were intoxicated. I felt abused and hurt. Alcohol wasn't the option though. It didn't help. So I turned to over exercising and not eating enough. so pretty much anorexia. It went on for awhile until it got to the point where I was out of energy and couldn't play basketball. I finally turned to God after all of the other attempts of finding something to get rid of the pain. I had a hole in my heart I NEEDED to fill... and fast! So I began staying after at my church talking to my youth pastor about the hurt and pain I was feeling. I cried almost every wednesday night. But that wasn't enough to make me realize that God was what I needed. So more happened.
I played basketball on a inter city basketball team and I was sexually and mentally manipulated into a relationship with a girl that I didn't want and I wasn't okay with. I finally got myself out of it and was even more hurt. I once again turned to God. But this time I took that extra step.
I began seeing that Jesus was who I needed to fill my heart! I asked him to come into my heart and make me feel whole and to push out all the hurt I was feeling. A weight was lifted from me and I felt whole. I'm not just making it up either. I felt a wholeness and well being for once in my life! I felt as if no one could touch me no matter what.
Well I began talking to Jesus everyday and realizing that it doesn't matter what others think. It just depends on what God thinks. I began to be a nonconformist at school. I didn't drink or do drugs. I didn't have sex. I still have not had sex. I was sexually abused but not far enough to take away my virginity. I have asked God to forgive my past and to give me back what was taken away. I feel as if I am still a virgin and that God has replenished me for the things that have been taken away.
Anyways back to taking the extra step. I began to learn more about Jesus and read the Bible more often. I love God with all my heart and would stand up for him any day! I now volunteer at my church youth group as a leader and I have began my walk in Christ as his follower. He is the ultimate Lord and Savior! Without him I would be nothing. I took the step of becoming a "Little Christ" instead of the the "Christian" that others are. Following Jesus is what I am made for and I have now committed my life to sharing the word of God with others. I love to talk about Jesus and getting spiritual highs! The Bible is my book! I take it almost everywhere I go. I have so much more to learn and so many more people to share the Word of God with. I cannot even say enough about how much I love God and how much he's made me love my life even though my past remains the same. I don't think about the past only build upon it! It's about the future and Jesus forgave me. He is my Daddy!
So thank you Lord for this opportunity to share others how you brought me to see You! I love you Daddy! Amen.
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