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All Joy
James 1:2-4, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
I was only four or five when I “asked Jesus into my heart.” I laid in my bed as mom said, “Repeat after me.” I said a little prayer and with that I became a “Christian.” Over the next 8 years, I was active in church and my best friends were kids in my Sunday School class. I eventually went to youth group every week and never missed a youth trip. I was at home when I was at my church, my youth group was my family.
Kevin “Woody” Pasion, was my youth pastor at Community Bible Church and a man who displayed a love for bringing youth closer to Christ that I have yet to see matched. “Woody had a great influence on my grade school years. I eventually reached sixth grade and the long awaited sixth grade youth group. It was a time of maturing physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I had known Woody since second grade, but over the next two years, he began treating me like less of a child and more like a young man of God. He challenged me to dig into the Word and to make my faith my own – a challenge that I accepted.
“God has called me back home to California.” He said it just like that. It was just like any other Sunday, but it was on this Sunday that Woody stood up in front of the congregation and announced that he was leaving. I wept. I thought of James 1:2-4.
Just a few weeks later he was gone. Before he left, he pulled me aside and told me something that I've never forgotten. “You're special Taylor. You don't know it yet, but I do. You're going to be the rock of this youth group when everyone else is falling. You have no idea how God is going to use you.”
Unfortunately the board of elders in this church saw things differently on several issues. I made a couple mediocre choices and discovered the ugly side of church politics. It was just two years later that the elders informed me I couldn't go on the annual mission trip that would be leaving in two days because I would, “be a detriment to the team and the trip as a whole.” I walked out the doors of that church, away from the youth group in which I was supposed to be a rock, as an outcast. I wept. I thought of James 1:2-4.
I became involved with Antioch Christian Church. It was a little more contemporary than previous churches and its doctrine was different. I learned to not take a couple verses out of context, but to take the bible as a whole into consideration when forming my interpretation of what God's Word says. Life became more about “Are you saved? Check yes or no.” But it became about striving to be a disciple of Christ.
Within the Antioch youth group, I learned the importance of having an accountability partner and I began to develop my spiritual gift of leadership as a member of the Student Leadership Team. I even committed my life to vocational ministry during an emotional CIY service. I also learned the battles of high school dating spending nearly two and a half years with my high school sweetheart, Jaime. It was a challenging time as the two of us stood tall in the youth group as a representation of what a pure Godly relationship should look like - until we allowed sin to penetrate that relationship. Two and a half years wasted. I wept. I thought of James 1:2-4.
It was Thanksgiving of my senior year, the day after to be specific. I got off work at 2 pm. and walked through my front door at 2:08 pm. There are certain times in our lives that we walk through a door that completely changes the rest of our lives. This was one of those doors. My mother sat me down and informed me that my father was addicted to crack cocaine. This set forth a chain of events involving rehabs, tears, estranged relationships, and yours truly having the honor of telling my father that my mother was going to leave him. I wept. I thought of James 1:2-4.
Spring of my senior year I began a relationship with a girl in my youth group named Rachel. At this point in my life, I was completely angry with God and didn't even know it. Quickly, Rachel and I began allowing the same struggles into our relationship that had caused Jaime and I to break up. Within a couple months of our relationship beginning, I attended church less and began drinking. Hardly a year after we started dating, I had given Rachel my virginity and had no relationship with Christ. I drank heavily on a regular basis and had began experimenting with marijuana. I wasn't speaking to my father, and my mother and I were arguing more than ever. I was disappointed with where my life was going, but I was so angry with God I just wasn't ready to come back to Him yet. I wept. The thoughts of James 1:2-4 were a distant memory.
In November 2006, I asked Rachel to marry me. She said yes, and we set a date of October 2007. In the back of my mind I knew that she wasn't the best for me. I was in love with her, but I also knew deep down that I could provide my children with a better, more responsible mother. I began paying off her credit card bills and other debts, signed my vehicle over to her, even signed paper on a nice little starter home which would be solely in my name due to her poor credit history.
In April 2007, 6 months before the wedding, Rachel informed me that she had recently had a friend of the opposite sex over and with alcohol involved; things had gotten out of hand. If that incident had been the sole issue in the relationship, I believe we would have been able to work it out. Unfortunately, I was discovering a much deeper issue of deceit that had apparently been running rampant for several months. I began to turn back to God as I realized how lost I really was. Rachel left me financially broke, emotionally broke, and spiritually empty. I wept. I had to look up James 1:2-4.
God began to work on my heart over the next couple months. I soon realized how far away I really had been. While I struggled getting back into a growing relationship with Christ, I was once again professing His name proudly. I accepted a position working with the high school youth as a youth coach at my church. In November, my youth pastor, Rob, surprised me by telling me he was going to be moving to Kentucky, leaving the youth group and me behind. As I sat there in tears because the greatest male influence in my life over the last 7 years was leaving, the mother of a student gave me hug stating, “You know you're the man now, Taylor.” I wept. I thought of James 1:2-4.
“You're the man now.” Those words resonated in my mind. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of being the leader of the youth. God used this opportunity to tap on my heart again, only this time I was willing to listen. He reminded me of that little commitment I forgot about. That commitment I had made to serve Him vocationally. I told my parents that I was changing majors...again; changing schools...again; moving out....again.
I announced to my youth group kids that I was going to be leaving. It was hard for some to take, as many don't have much of a family to look to as support. I left them in good hands, and my last night leading was very difficult. Part of me felt like I was abandoning them in their time of need, but I knew it was something that had to be done. It was something that was in His plan. On my last night at Antioch, I spoke on James 1:2-4. I spoke on how God had worked through me over the last couple years, and that I knew God was working through the youth that were there. I pulled out of the parking lot, feeling like I was leaving a great part of my life behind. I wept. I thought of James 1:2-4.
5 days later on Friday, January 11, 2008, I packed up my car for a whole new adventure. I drove three and a half hours south, to a college that I had only heard about. Since arriving at Central, I have met great people and begun to build friendships that will last a lifetime. God has rocked my understanding of Him. I have grown closer to Him and am excited about my ministry that is already beginning.
This summer, I'm going to have the opportunity to serve God with the youth group at West Village Christian Church in Albion, Illinois. The idea of passing on the positive influences I've been blessed to receive and to be an example to others (having learned from both my mistakes and life experiences) excites me. Though I know I'm far from 'perfect' or 'complete', I do feel I am 'enduring' and letting my 'trials' mature me. I'm a work in progress...and that I consider, 'all joy'.
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